May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
