I love black thongs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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