dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
