i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
