Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
