I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
