Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
