I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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