I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
