she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
