Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
