god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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