Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
