just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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