he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
