dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
