There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
