Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
