walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
