Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
