Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
