Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
