bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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