you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
