Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
