positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
