My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
