When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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