I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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