exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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