Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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