it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
