i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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