Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
