you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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