It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
should my penis look like a turkey
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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