I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
