yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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