I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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