his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
