So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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