i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
