so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
