Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
