This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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