If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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