His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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