Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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