Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
