i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I looked at my own cervix.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
