Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
