the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's never too late to be topless.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
