How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
