I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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