I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
a search helicopter?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
