I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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