You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
